Hi there
Welcome to winter – it’s officially here. At the pond this morning there were big signs saying, “Ice everywhere”, and the cormorants drying their wings looked distinctly chilly despite the bright sunshine.
There is an extra special frisson to the swim on a frosty morning – that feeling of ‘I must be completely bonkers’ as I strip naked in the icy air, put on my cossie, neoprene gloves and fur hat (an idiotic look!) and descend down the steps into the viscous 6° water.
Remember that the way we do anything is the way we do everything
It’s not for everyone, I know, but the sense of presence, being eye-to-eye with nature, the minutiae of small difference everyday – the leaves more yellow, the branches more purple, the water still under a blue sky and then swimming back to the jetty into the sun, its brightness warm on my face amidst the chill. Let’s just say I never get out and think, Gosh, I wish I hadn’t done that!
Lavish birthday lunches with Dad
Today felt particularly cleansing: Thursday was my birthday, and I ate a delicious and enormous lunch with my dad at 64 Goodge Street (top scoff. I’m also big fan of their marginally cheaper sister restaurant Clipstone just off Great Portland Street). I feasted on quail’s egg with eel, monkfish with chicken, pork (this pig had died and gone to heaven) and a choux bun filled with coffee Chantilly and ice cream with a solitary candle. Yum!
What a treat to have a birthday lunch with my darling dad; particularly since I am now 55 and he is 81, so we have no idea how many of these we have left. And there is also that familiar sense of time in layers: My birthday lunch reminded me of another one, when I was about 8 with Dad at the Connaught Hotel. It featured a pudding trolley out of my girlish dreams. I selected 6: profiteroles, floating island, trifle, Black Forest Gateau, crème brulee, crème caramel. I thought they’d give me a spoonful of each one. But nope! I ended up with 6 different plates each with a full-sized portion of pud, arrayed across the table. That was a birthday to remember!
It’s time to look down
Practically, this week it’s been fun: I compered a very glamorous event about foot health with Dr Bianchi, the world’s top bunion surgeon. Also speaking was the queen of podiatry, Margaret Dabbs whose brand is grounded in podiatry and offers everything from creams and scrubs to laser therapy to medical pedicures with a health professional. (My editorial director loves the Nail Strengthening Treatment you apply like polish – it’s solved her peeling, soft nails and has a pretty light pink colour.)
Katie Owen, a Queenager who founded Sargasso and Grey was also part of the panel. Her company makes beautiful shoes for midlife ladies with wider or painful feet. (This was actually my dream panel, since I have always had wide feet. Finding shoes which don’t hurt is a challenge.) Katie gifted me some stylish and comfy loafers which I love.
But you don’t need wide feet to benefit from the messages from the event.
Dr Bianchi told attendees that all pregnant women should wear orthotic insoles to support their arches because the laxity in our ligaments during pregnancy causes them to collapse. I wish I’d known this 23 years ago – my feet grew a whole shoe size after I’d had my 2 daughters.
Indeed foot health is key to all wellness but is much neglected. Margarat Dabbs talked about how much women spend on their hair while neglecting their feet. She’s right! We should all be giving our feet more love before it’s too late!
It’s a bit like teeth…I seem to spend hours every day poking my gums with those TEPE brushes, and being hassled to go to see the hygienist. That is definitely a midlife activity!
I also spent a bit of my birthday getting new glasses. I used to have perfect vision but decades squinting at computers and tiny newspaper print plus menopause has put paid to that. I am now the proud owner of 2 different pairs: one for reading, one for screens.
How will the Budget affect YOUR budget? #sponsored
Super helpful tidbits from our Budget webinar
At our free online webinar on Wednesday I spoke with Emma Brown and Myfanwy Beynon-Pollitt from BKL about pensions, taxes, wills and more. We heard tips about how to talk to parents if yours are reluctant to prepare their estate, how a financial advisor can help you and much more!
Here’s just one tidbit from the talk, about how Budget freezes can have a BIG impact. Or watch the full webinar here.
My kids will be happy: I’ve been forever asking them to read the back of packets or recipes for me! My optometrist gently told me that I need to visit more frequently than every 4 years.
Look after our bodies now to benefit for decades…
All this midlife maintenance is almost a full-time job, but it’s worth it. “A stitch in time saves nine”, as my beloved granny used to say.
It is all part of the “self-love” I was talking about. Taking the time to maintain ourselves. Lowering our stress levels as our bodies go through menopause to give us a fighting chance of feeling good.
I’ve been loving Karen Newby’s brilliant Natural Menopause Cookbook. I find now I feel so much better if I eat more protein, seeds, lentils, vegetables and nuts and try to limit the white carbs and booze.
It’s impossible to do it all the time (particularly now with Christmas and my birthday), but as my friend Liz Earle always says, if you can be good 80% of the time, that’s enough.
Having ignored my body for much of my life and lived mostly in my head, part of my own midlife shift has been about being more embodied, learning to listen to my gut and being sympathetic to my physicality and what it is telling me rather than just overriding it like a tyrant. Being gentler and kinder to ourselves is a huge bit of the Queenager shift; not just treating our bodies like an endless, bottomless resource. If we want to live the 100-year life with a decent health span, we need to take care of ourselves.
That shift was also reflected in our very jolly Queenager finances webinar last week, about the impact of the budget: If you have concerns around wills, inheritance tax, new tax thresholds, dividends, Cash ISAs, your property or any of the other myriad things the budget changed – basically if you like your money and want to keep as much of it as possible – then do watch the video of the event.
Yes, you can sort your finances
It was wonderful to have so many of you on the call and the list. Myf (pronounced “Muv”), a parter at BKL accountants, talked about how the worst plan is no plan and not doing anything about your finances, retirement, savings, will etc is in itself a decision. Putting your head in the sand will have consequences.
I know – it is scary and boring, but I promise if you start taking small steps to sort out your Queenager Financial Spanx as I call it (this is the financial underpinnings of the 100-year life, like eyes, teeth and feet are the physical bit). Your future self will thank you.
I’m breaking the habit of playing superwoman
I had a big realisation last week – that I’d spent so much of my life, cramming everything in. Priding myself on being the speediest cook, the best multi-tasker, the woman who could get the most done in the least time. Well not anymore! My motto for my 56th year is: “What if there is actually time….” Just saying it to myself feels expansive.
When I feel the urge to cram, or notice I am getting a bit manic, I now take a deep breath, pause and intentionally do the task in hand slowly instead: Taking pleasure in chopping carrots or looking up at the sun through the yellow leaves outside my office as I write. I’m trying to remember that NOW, this present moment, is all we ever have. I’m trying to inhabit all of them. Remember that the way we do anything is the way we do everything.
Much love – thanks for all your lovely birthday wishes and enjoy your Sunday!
Looking forward to seeing lots of you at the NOON Christmas party, the Circles or our online Twixmas Circle. Also, we have a couple of places left on the Ski Trip – it will be a marvellous spot of skiing, après-ski and laughs. Email me eleanor@noon.org.uk if you’d like to come (Grindelwald, January 26th to 30th).
Eleanor
P.S. In case you missed it: Divorce news
We’re still getting loads of interest about our mega Divorce Research launch. Check out the highlights and learnings in the link above. If you’re contemplating divorce or going through it, this research and the case studies can help you be more informed and better prepared for the process! xx
