Transcript

Are you someone who apologizes for everything when you have a question? When someone bumps into you? When you feel like you're being inconvenienced for whatever reason? I definitely do this, but it turns out that it's pretty bad for a mental health and it also causes us to be perceived by others as annoying or less confident, even if that isn't necessarily true. So I caught up with a Paralympic gold medalist who recently quit this apologizing habit herself, and I basically asked her to teach me her ways. Her name is Alyssa Seely and she's a two time Paralympic gold medalist, and she told me that for her it was really important to understand. Why she was saying sorry as a reflex to everything she knew. She always used the phrase I'm sorry to start sentences, to use it as a cushion to her natural bluntness. But then she started thinking about the other reasons. And they were all just kind of part of being a human, which is being perceived, taking up space, having needs. And she said that when you can understand why you're apologizing, then you couldn't have an easier time fixing it and catching yourself when you're doing it. She also says scripting out conversations in her head ahead of time actually really helps her a lot because then she'll hear her in her head. She starts a sentence by saying. I'm so sorry, but can you? And then she catches herself and then fix it. Alyssa said that once she actually started dropping the phrase I'm sorry from her sentences, she noticed a change in the level of respect that she was receiving from other people. She said she also feels a lot more free because she believes when you're constantly apologizing for your existence or for having needs, then you subconsciously may even start to really believe that you are a burden or the things that you're asking for are much bigger than they really are. So if you're a chronic apologiser like me, you might want to start catching yourself and maybe rephrasing and if any of the things that I talked about. Melissa help you, let me know.