How Groups Shape Us—for Better AND Worse

The Bundle of Sticks Revisited

One of the most enduring stories about group strength is Aesop’s tale about the bundle of sticks.  In this classic fable, a father confronts his quarreling sons by asking each to break a single stick—something they do with ease. But when he hands them a bundle of sticks tied together, not one of them can break it. 

The lesson is clear: we are stronger together than apart.

In the final chapter of the upcoming book, MindShifting: Conflict and Collaboration, explores how groups deeply shape our interactions, attitudes, and behaviors. The influence of group membership is profound, yet, in today’s society, this dynamic can sometimes take a troublesome turn. 

Two patterns stand out:

• We are increasingly reluctant to join groups that bring us together.
• The groups we do join can, at times, bring out our worst impulses.

Groups That Bring Us Together

Research has long shown the positive effects of healthy group participation. In the 1980s, Robert Putnam demonstrated that vibrant civic and social groups are the strongest predictors of good government. 

More recently, NIH studies confirm that being part of community groups boosts social well-being, encourages altruism, and even increases longevity.

This weekend, I participated in a Rotary Club district event focused on mobilizing members and communities to support each other. With their typical focus on the positive aspects of uniting in service, Rotarians shared the many benefits of belonging: friendship, growth, opportunities for professional and personal development, lively discussions, and real impact in their communities. 

In fact, one highlight was a discussion of Rotary’s global Epic Day of Service, slated for May 16th, 2026. Last year, more than 3 million people joined in projects from environmental clean-ups and work with children to fundraising and blood drives, with greater participation anticipated ahead.

Unfortunately, organizations with tremendous positive and social impact, like Rotary, have suffered declining membership over the past 20 years. 

The broader trend is troubling: over the last half-century, participation in organized activities and community groups—social clubs, unions, PTAs, even family or friend gatherings—has steadily dropped off. We are experiencing what Derek Thompson has dubbed the anti-social century.

Rising individualism, workplace pressures, and the addictive distractions of online media all contribute to this retreat from collective engagement.

Groups That Bring Out Our Worst

In my upcoming new MindShifting book, I detail a dangerous loop—‘acculturation creep’—that drives us toward counterproductive group behaviors:

• Group norms spawn collective illusions
• Collective illusions push right/wrong binary thinking
• Binary thinking often results in enemyfying others that are outside the group
• Perceived threats from enemies trigger survival fight/flight reactions.
• Those reactions amplify conflicts with outsiders, perpetuation of inadequate results, and cohesion inside the group
• Those three then add to the stories that the group tells about itself
• The stories loop back to reinforce the group norms

Group pressures can push us toward attitudes and actions that don’t serve our true interests or values. 

For example, if we are anti-MAGA, group dynamics can exaggerate hostility: “I have no compassion for anyone pro-MAGA. They are either idiots or racists.” On the other side, pro-MAGA groups may feel: “I have no patience for those liberals who want government intervention that only makes things worse.” 

As I note in the book, “In either case, group pressures, operating subconsciously, have pushed us to conform with others in our group and to ‘enemyfy’ those who do not accept the orthodoxy. They are wrong. We are right. We feel anxiety and possibly anger considering explanations outside our group’s narrative.”

Becoming aware of how group stories shape us, recognizing our tendency to misread the group’s expectations, understanding how we tie our self-worth to the group, and spotting acculturation creep are essential steps to escape this destructive loop. It’s challenging because it requires stepping outside our comfort zones.

Breaking Free

Here is the simple yet profound paradox: groups have the power to elevate us to our highest potential or drag us toward our most destructive impulses. The father's bundle of sticks reminds us that collective strength is real—but only when we choose to bind ourselves together with intention and awareness. Divisiveness, tribal conformity, group biases, and intolerance exemplify how groups perpetuate conflict and suboptimum behaviors.

The good news is that we are not powerless. By understanding the mechanisms of acculturation creep, by questioning the collective illusions that shape our group narratives, and by resisting the temptation to enemyfy those who think differently, we can reclaim our agency. We can participate in groups that genuinely serve our communities—like Rotary's Epic Day of Service—while remaining vigilant against the pressures that push us toward conformity and hostility. This is the work of our time: to rebuild the connective tissue of civil society, to join groups that unite rather than divide, and to bring our full, conscious selves to those memberships

To overcome the subconscious urge to “enemyfy” those outside our group’s narrative, MindShifting: Conflict and Collaboration offers practical techniques to break the cycle. Plus, we are still looking for a few more people who want an advance copy and join the book launch team.

Mastering these concepts empowers us to rise above automatic conformity and cultivate more thoughtful, collaborative relationships—inside and outside our groups.