Problem-Solving in Conflict Scenarios

I would like to describe a simple method I’ve used to resolve the extreme polarization that can occur in high-intensity conflicts, where people have deeply stereotyped misperceptions of the other that remain frozen in time—and thus inaccessible. This simple method can also raise the empathy of both parties…to spend some time in the shoes of the other… as long as each party has some measure of emotional intelligence and mental health outside that polarized situation. I ask each party to make three lists: (1) This is how I perceive the other party (their needs, motives, biases, goals, concerns, prejudices, blindsides, etc.,, or whatever seems to be relevant to the conflict situation). (2) This is how I perceive myself (my needs, motives, biases, etc.). (3) This is how I think the other party sees me (my best guess of their view of my needs, motives, and so forth). Ideally, these three lists are written on easel pad paper, so they can later be posted on the wall of the room, very visible and readable for all to see. Naturally, it’s important to remind each party to be especially candid and to be as specific as possible in compiling their three lists, not evasive or general. They should also write very legibly. When the three lists are complete, they’re posted on one wall in the room. Each party then takes turns presenting its list to the other. Then there is a brief period of “clarifying questions” (no debate) to make sure that what is written on the lists is understood by all. This part needs to be facilitated, so the “clarifying” questions are asked to understand what is written on paper (regardless if one agrees or disagrees with what had been put into words), but certainly not to attack its meaning or validity. The “fun” begins (yes, laughter finally seeps into the conflict situation) and the “learning” begins (a few “aha” moments are usually experienced) when each party is then asked to compare (1) how each sees itself versus how the other sees it and (2) how each party sees the other versus how the other party sees itself.

“Why are you doing this?” vs. “How can this move us forward?” One shuts people down. The other sparks progress. A few months ago, I sat in on a tense team meeting. A deadline had been missed, and frustration filled the room. The manager, arms crossed, looked directly at one team member and asked, “Why are you doing this?” Silence. One looked down, scrambling for an answer. Others shifted uncomfortably. The energy in the room had shifted—from problem-solving to blame. I’ve seen this happen countless times. When conflict arises, our instinct is to question, defend, or assign blame. But what if, instead of shutting the conversation down, we opened it up? Now imagine if the manager had asked instead: “How can doing this progress us forward?” The impact is immediate. This simple shift in words changes the energy from defensive to constructive, from looking at the past to focusing on the future. Conflict isn’t the problem, it's how we approach it. Teams that handle conflict well don’t avoid it—they reframe it. They shift from blame to solutions, from frustration to collaboration. This approach is backed by research—high-performing teams aren’t the ones with zero conflict, but the ones that use conflict to drive clarity, alignment, and better decisions. Try this the next time conflict arises: 1️⃣ Pause before reacting – ask yourself: am I looking for blame or a way forward? 2️⃣ Reframe the question – instead of “Why are you doing this?” try “How can we solve this together?” 3️⃣ Turn conflict into clarity – use tension as a signal that something needs adjusting—not a reason to divide. This is part of the COMBThrough series, where we help teams untangle real challenges and turn them into opportunities for collaboration, agility, and performance. So, the next time frustration builds in your team, ask: Are we stuck in the problem, or are we working toward the solution? Would love to hear—how does your team handle tough conversations? ********************************************************************************* Hi! I’m Cassandra Nadira. I help teams unlock their potential to increase performance with proven tools and practices. 🚀 Let’s elevate your team: ✅ Workshops & Trainings – Build self-awareness and leadership agility ✅ Custom Programs – Enhance team dynamics and performance ✅ Speaking Engagements – Inspire with actionable insights 📩 Message me to explore how we can work together! #team #humanresources #workforce #challenges #leadership #learn #development #cassandracoach

In the last major internal conflict I had, I stopped and thought: am I the first one to live this?! Hostility. Threats. Ah, and I was in the car on the way back from the hospital from giving birth. Nice welcome back 😂 Managers spend up to 40% of their time handling conflicts. This time drain highlights a critical business challenge. Yet when managed effectively, conflict becomes a catalyst for: ✅ Innovation ✅ Better decision-making ✅ Stronger relationships Here's the outcomes of my research. No: I wasn't the first one going through this ;) 3 Research-Backed Conflict Resolution Models: 1. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model (TKI) Each style has its place in your conflict toolkit: - Competing → Crisis situations needing quick decisions - Collaborating → Complex problems requiring buy-in - Compromising → Temporary fixes under time pressure - Avoiding → Minor issues that will resolve naturally - Accommodating → When harmony matters more than the outcome 2. Harvard Negotiation Project's BATNA Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement - Know your walkaway position - Research all parties' alternatives - Strengthen your options - Negotiate from confidence, not fear 3. Circle of Conflict Model (Moore) Identify the root cause to choose your approach: - Value Conflicts → Find superordinate goals - Relationship Issues → Focus on communication - Data Conflicts → Agree on facts first - Structural Problems → Address system issues - Interest Conflicts → Look for mutual gains Pro Tips for Implementation: ⚡ Before the Conflict: - Map stakeholders - Document facts - Prepare your BATNA - Choose your timing ⚡ During Resolution: - Stay solution-focused - Use neutral language - Listen actively - Take reflection breaks ⚡ After Agreement: - Document decisions - Set review dates - Monitor progress - Acknowledge improvements Remember: Your conflict style should match the situation, not your comfort zone. Feels weird to send that follow up email. But do it: it's actually really crucial. And refrain yourself from putting a few bitter words here and there ;) You'll come out of it a stronger manager. As the saying goes "don't waste a good crisis"! 💡 What's your go-to conflict resolution approach? Has it evolved with experience? ♻️ Share this to empower a leader ➕ Follow Helene Guillaume Pabis for more ✉️ Newsletter: https://lnkd.in/dy3wzu9A

Interview Conversation Role: RTE in #SAFe framework Topic: Conflict Management 👴 Interviewer: "Imagine the Product Manager and System Architect disagree over feature priorities, with the PM focusing on customer needs and the Architect concerned about tech debt. As the RTE, how would you handle this?" 🧑 Candidate: "I’d remind them to focus on the PI objectives and find a middle ground." 👴 Interviewer: "Say this disagreement is slowing decision-making, impacting team alignment, and morale is dipping. What specific actions would you take to mediate?" 🧑 Candidate: "I’d encourage both of them to think about the project’s overall goals." What a skilled Release Train Engineer should say: ------------------------------------------------------ In cases like this, it’s crucial to foster open, constructive discussions without losing sight of both customer value and technical stability. 🌟 I’d start by facilitating a conversation with the PM and Architect to unpack their priorities and establish a shared understanding. 📅 In a similar situation, I scheduled a conflict-resolution workshop with both roles, focusing on ‘value vs. sustainability’ using the Economic Framework. 🏹 We assessed the impact of each priority on the PI objectives, assigning weights based on business and architectural needs. The workshop helped clarify the ROI of tech improvements and immediate features, allowing them to make informed trade-offs. 🛠 To make it concrete, we identified one high-priority feature to advance and a critical refactor for the next PI. By reaching a balanced decision, we addressed urgent customer needs while setting a feasible path for addressing tech debt. 🚩 Impact: This approach helped restore team alignment, fostered trust between the PM and Architect, and improved the ART’s overall efficiency. ✍ As an RTE, my role is to mediate these discussions by grounding decisions in shared values and structured prioritization, ensuring both immediate and long-term value are achieved.

Conflict in teams isn’t the problem. The real issue? How it’s handled. When emotions run high, our instinct is often to argue, defend, or shut down. But there’s a far more effective approach—one used by FBI negotiators to de-escalate high-stakes situations. 💡 Try the ‘Looping Technique.’ Instead of reacting, reflect back what the other person is expressing before you respond. Example: A team member says: 🗣️ “No one ever listens to my ideas in meetings.” Instead of dismissing or debating, you may say: 🗣️ “So you feel like your input isn’t valued?” This simple shift reduces defensiveness and makes people feel heard. It also creates space for real problem-solving and psychological safety, followed by higher engagement and productivity. 🔎 In my work with high-performing teams, I see this technique transform tense moments into breakthroughs. It leads to stronger collaboration, not deeper divides. P.S.: What other tips do you use to handle conflict in a team? Drop your thoughts in the comments!  --------------------------------- Hi, I’m Susanna. I help leaders and organizations build high-performing teams through psychological safety and inclusive leadership. 🚀 Visit my website to book a free discovery call!

here is one technique that resolves conflict almost 90% of the time: make the problem the enemy, not the person. this isn't just for boardrooms. from negotiating contracts to helping my kids share toys without a war breaking out in our living room, this approach is mom tested and boardroom approved. the psychology is simple yet powerful. when someone feels attacked, their brain triggers defense mechanisms—rational thinking shuts down, emotional reactions take over. but when you position yourselves on the same side against a common enemy, everything changes. last week a friend called me about a tense vendor relationship she had. instead of blaming the vendor for missed deadlines, we reframed: "looks like we're both fighting against unclear specifications." within minutes, the conversation shifted from finger-pointing to problem-solving. she realized they didn't have a clear campaign calendar or weekly check in. both were working from different deadlines. even at home, when my son missed an assignment, rather than making him the enemy, we identified the real problem: time for planning. suddenly we were brainstorming solutions together instead of arguing. implementation requires three steps: -explicitly name the problem as the shared enemy -physically position yourselves side-by-side, looking at the issue together -use "we" language exclusively to reinforce alliance when you make the problem the enemy, impossible situations become solvable because you're no longer fighting each other, you're working together. #PR #communications #marketing #agency #executive #strategicthinking #conflictresolution