Empathy in Mentorship and Coaching

#ThursdayThought "Why is it always about you?" my daughter interrupted me, her voice loud. Just five minutes earlier, she had been venting about her overwhelming homework load and the pressures of club fundraising. I had responded with what I thought was a supportive anecdote: "I had even more homework in high school back in China. It's all about time management. If you manage your time effectively, you can get everything done." I believed I was being encouraging, sharing my experiences to help her. But in that moment of her outburst, I realized something crucial: once again, I had made it about me. To her, my response felt like I was the hero of the story, and she was left feeling small and unheard. This happened a few years ago, but the lesson remains fresh in my mind. I had failed to listen actively. As a mentor and coach, I've since learned the vital importance of active listening, a lesson my daughter taught me. Here are three key insights I've gained from that experience: 1. Empathy Over Solutions: Often, people don't want solutions right away. They want empathy. Their emotions need to be validated. 2. Ask, Don't Tell: Instead of jumping in with answers, asking thoughtful questions can help the other person find their own solutions. This empowers them and shows that you value their perspective. 3. Offer Suggestions Sparingly: Suggestions can be helpful, but only after the person has had the chance to explore their own ideas. Uninvited advice is not welcome. As a leader, I often want to jump in to help my team members when they face obstacles managing their projects. I've applied these active listening skills in coaching them—using the same formula. First, I show empathy. Second, I give them space and ask open-ended questions to help them find their own solutions. Lastly, I add some of my own suggestions only after they have exhausted their own ideas. In this way, they develop their problem-solving skills and feel proud of their achievements. And as their coach, I share in that pride. =========================== Lucy Chen, award-winning author and human potential coach (I specialize in guiding individuals to build resilience and achieve success—reach out through DMs to explore collaborative opportunities on your transformative journey.) (To order my book, https://lnkd.in/gmb4_WrA) #BuildResilience #BookWriting #GiftedCoaching #ActiveListening #Empathy #Leadership

Empathy isn’t soft it’s a superpower. Used wrong, it burns leaders out. Here’s how to make it sustainable. Empathic orgs see more creativity, helping, resilience and less burnout and attrition. Employees (esp. Millennials/Gen Z) now expect it. Wearing the “empathy helmet” means you feel everyone’s highs and lows. Middle managers fry first. Caring ≠ self-sacrifice. The fix = Sustainable empathy Care without collapsing by stacking: self-compassion → tuned caring → practice. So drop the martyr mindset. • Notice your stress (name it) • Remember it’s human & shared • Talk to yourself like you would a friend • Ask for help model it and your team will too Why does this matter? Unchecked stress dulls perspective and spikes reactivity. When leaders absorb nonstop venting, next-day negativity rises and so does mistreatment. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Move 2: Tune your caring Two empathies: • Emotional empathy = feel their pain • Empathic concern = help relieve it Keep concern high, distress low. “Caring binds; sharing blinds.” How to tune (in the moment) • 60 seconds of breathing before hard talks • Validate without absorbing: “This is hard and it makes sense.” • Boundaries + presence: “I’m here. Let’s focus on next steps.” • Offer concrete help: “Here’s what we’ll try by Friday.” • Also share joy celebrate wins to refuel the tank Move 3: Treat empathy as a skill It’s trainable. Build emotional balance: shift from absorbing pain → generating care. Try brief compassion meditation (“May you be safe, well, at ease.”) and pre-regulate before tough conversations. Mini audit after tough chats Ask yourself: • How much did I feel with vs. care for? • What do they need long-term? • What will I do to help this week? A simple script 1. Validate: “I can see why this stings.” 2. Future: “Success looks like X.” 3. Action: “Let’s do Y by [date]; I’ll support with Z.” Team rituals that sustain you • Start meetings with “What help do you need?” • Normalize asking for support • Micro-celebrate progress weekly • Protect recovery blocks on calendars Self-compassion + tuned concern + practice = sustainable empathy. What’s one habit you’ll try this week to protect your energy and support your team?

💡 Coaching Insight of the Week: Curiosity is the cure for unchecked privilege. Coaching is deeply personal. It’s designed to unlock insight—not only into ourselves, but into the systems, cultures, and communities in which we live and lead. Yet for leaders who hold significant privilege—whether by race, gender, position, or background—developing real empathy for others’ lived experiences doesn’t come instantly. It takes time. And more importantly, it takes curiosity. In coaching conversations, this truth continues to surface. Despite the progress of #MeToo and the increased attention to workplace equity, too many leaders still say things like: “We’ve never had a complaint, so I don’t think harassment or discrimination happens here... We might have some unconscious bias but everyone has unconscious biases.” But absence of a complaint is not absence of harm. It’s often a sign of an unsafe culture - commonly lacking diversity and diverse representation in leadership, and one where people don’t feel believed, protected, or powerful enough to speak up. That’s where the power of group coaching comes in. When the space is intentionally safe and inclusive, and leaders commit to practicing curiosity and empathy, something remarkable happens: ✅ Self-orientation (critical to building trust) drops. ✅ Listening improves. ✅ Vulnerability becomes possible. And the psychological safety created empowers those with lived experience to feel safe enough to share. In those moments, we begin to shift the culture, and fix the system. And not just one leader at a time, but collectively. And with it comes a greater understanding of, for example, the need for protections like Respect@Work and #positiveduty legislation, for while the leaders in the room are unlikely to ever need those protections, they are most certainly the custodians of ensuring its safe for others to access them. Because privilege doesn’t disappear. But it can be named, acknowledged, challenged and used to foster safety and inclusion, but it requires leaders to choose curiosity over assumption. #Leadership #Privilege #Empathy #Coaching #RespectAtWork #InclusiveLeadership #SexDiscrimination #WorkplaceCulture #GracePapers #PsychologicalSafety #ICF #IECL

I've been thinking about empathy lately. Not the buzzword version we see in corporate slide decks or social media feeds, but the raw, human ability to sit with someone else's reality without trying to change it. Real emotional intelligence starts here – in those moments when we choose to truly understand rather than react. It lives in the small decisions we make: Listening without planning our response Staying present through difficult conversations Accepting truths different from our own Creating spaces where real feelings can exist Understanding before offering support My most memorable leaders and mentors didn't just tackle problems. They created environments where team members spoke openly about challenges. Where different perspectives weren't just tolerated, but valued. Where being human came before being productive. This matters because empathy builds trust. Trust enables innovation. Innovation drives progress. But it all starts with those quiet moments of genuine connection. Recently, I watched a team transform when their leader started each meeting with a simple question: "How are you really doing?" And then – this is key – actually listened to the answer. I have a ways to go in this area. It doesn't come naturally for me, but I am determined more than ever to develop this quality. Empathy isn't complicated. It's just sometimes rare. What moments of empathy have shaped your work life? #Leadership #Empathy #WorkplaceCulture

✨ Lessons from Mentorship: Balancing Compassion and Performance in Leadership Recently, I mentored a plant manager transitioning into a broader leadership role. As he shared his story, one challenge stood out: the tension between being a compassionate leader and meeting executive demands for speed, efficiency, and results. His question reflected a common leadership dilemma: "How can I stay true to my values while driving performance in a high-pressure environment?" Here’s what we uncovered together: 1️⃣ Leading with Fairness and Humanity His leadership style prioritizes fairness, transparency, and empathy. But upper management often viewed this as “too cautious” when it came to tough decisions like layoffs or risk management. 💡 Reflection: How can you communicate that people-focused leadership doesn’t mean compromising results? 2️⃣ Rethinking Decision-Making We discussed how to approach tough calls without sacrificing empathy. By framing decisions with data-backed insights and highlighting past successes, he could assert himself as a strategic thinker while maintaining his team’s trust. 💡 Reflection: Are you balancing empathy with assertiveness when communicating decisions? 3️⃣ Anchoring in Purpose: Healthy, Just Environments His purpose became clear: to create environments where fairness and humanity drive both individual and collective success. This vision extended beyond the workplace to his long-term aspirations as a leader. 💡 Reflection: Is your leadership grounded in a purpose that inspires both you and your team? 4️⃣ Strategic Growth: Integrating Empathy and Results Empathy and high performance aren’t opposites—they’re interdependent. By sharing metrics like productivity improvements and morale indicators, he showed that his people-centric approach directly contributed to organizational success. 💡 Reflection: Are you reframing the conversation to show how care for people fuels business results? The Leadership Shift At the end of our session, he shared this insight: "True leadership isn’t about choosing between compassion and performance—it’s about integrating them to create sustainable success." 💬 So, I ask you: How do you balance empathy and performance in your leadership? Let’s exchange reflections in the comments below. 📌 Save this post to reflect on how purpose-driven leadership can transform both people and results. #LeadershipWithPurpose #MentorshipReflections #CompassionateLeadership #PurposeDrivenLeadership #LaraReflections #leadershipcoherence #lifecoherence

As leaders and CEOs, we are called to mentor those entrusted to us, guiding them to unlock their potential and thrive. Here are three principles I live by when it comes to mentorship: 1. Lead with Empathy: Understanding your mentee's challenges, goals, and unique perspectives fosters trust and meaningful connections, allowing you to guide them authentically. 2. Encourage Growth Through Challenge: Great mentorship isn't about giving answers; it's about asking the right questions, challenging assumptions, and inspiring growth through self-discovery. 3. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection: Acknowledge every step forward, no matter how small. Focusing on progress builds confidence and momentum, empowering mentees to push past their limits and achieve their goals. Through mentorship, we shape not just careers, but legacies, by investing in the success of those we lead and walk beside. When you align yourself with humble, curious, high-achievers, that's where inspiration sparks action, and we all learn and grow together!

Empathy is often misunderstood in leadership. Empathy isn’t soft. ❌ It’s not about being nice. ❌ It’s not about avoiding hard conversations. Empathy is about understanding what your people need in order to perform at their best. And in leadership, that’s a competitive advantage. When leaders practice empathy: ✔ They create psychological safety ✔They listen more than they respond ✔ They adapt—not lower expectations ✔ They navigate conflict without avoiding accountability ✔ They retain talent—because people feel seen, not managed People don’t want perfect leaders. They want human leaders who get it. If you're focused on performance, don't dismiss empathy.  It's one of the clearest competitive edges a leader can build. In my coaching work, I help leaders develop practical, grounded empathy that drives real results. 👉 Let’s talk about how you can lead better—by leading with more understanding.