Self-Compassion and Mindfulness

Be nice to yourself. Your internal dialogue speaks before you do, shaping confidence, performance, and resilience. Ignore it and it will amplify stress. Train it and it becomes your personal coach. Why it matters: - Distanced self-talk (using your own name or “you”) quiets the emotional centers of the brain and boosts self-control. - Self-affirmations light up the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, making your brain more receptive to change and healthier. - Self-compassion correlates with lower anxiety, greater resilience, and steadier motivation than high self-esteem alone. - A recent meta-analysis shows performance gains across 30+ sports studies when athletes practiced structured self-talk. Make your self-talk kinder (and more useful) 1. Name-swap: When stress spikes, switch “I can’t handle this deadline” to “Shira, you’ve met tighter ones.” Third-person language creates distance and calms reactivity. 2. Values check: Write a 2-minute note on a core value before hard tasks. This simple affirmation primes the brain for openness and action. 3. Self-compassion break: Pause, note the struggle, remind yourself that imperfection is human, then ask “What would I say to a friend?” Answer it—out loud if possible. 3. Replace should with could: “I should post on LinkedIn daily” carries judgment. “I could post” invites choice and curiosity, easing resistance. 4. Cue cards: Draft two or three empowering phrases and place them where you work. Repetition wires the language in before pressure hits. Speak to yourself as you would to a promising colleague. Your inner voice will start working for you, not against you.

Showing yourself compassion becomes difficult during life's challenging moments, but that's exactly when you need it most. Maybe you’ve just lost your job. You’re likely feeling a whole variety of emotions: uncertainty about your future, anxiety about where you’ll find your next paycheck, anger at your organization for letting you go. Shame at the prospect of having to share the news with others. Insecurity or inadequacy, believing that you “weren’t good enough” in some way. And there’s no question about it—this is a tough situation. But piling self-judgment on top of your emotions and telling yourself that you “shouldn’t be feeling this way” isn’t going to help at all. Begin with courage: “This is so hard and I don’t know what the future holds, but I choose to trust in my ability to be resilient.” Follow with curiosity: “Is there anything new I can learn from this situation? What kinds of valuable messages are my emotions carrying?” Lastly, have some self-compassion: “I don’t feel capable or adequate right now, but I know that I am smart, resourceful, and have the capacity to rebuild. I am loved for who I am as a person, rather than for my job title or profession.”

𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳... 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀? Most people wouldn’t. And yet, that inner critic is often the loudest voice in our heads —fueling stress and draining confidence. We miss a deadline and think, "How could I mess that up?" Look in the mirror and hear, "Ugh, I should look better than this." If a friend came to you saying those things about themselves, you'd offer kindness. So why do we speak to ourselves that way? Your words matter. They shape how you feel. How you show up. And how much stress or confidence you carry each day. Self-compassion isn’t just "being nice" to yourself. It’s a proven tool that reduces stress, builds resilience, and strengthens confidence. 👉 Here are three ways to shift your self-talk: 𝗖𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝗶𝘁. Notice your inner dialogue. Is it helpful or harsh? Awareness is the first step. 𝗣𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 & 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗵𝗿𝗮𝘀𝗲. Instead of "I’ll never get this right," try "I’m learning, and that’s okay." It’s not about pretending everything is perfect —it’s about being constructive. 𝗔𝘀𝗸, “𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗜 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗮 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱?” If you wouldn’t say it to someone you care about, don’t say it to yourself. One of my clients came to me overwhelmed and exhausted. Her self-talk was relentless —she was criticizing herself for every little thing. Through our coaching, she became aware of how her words were fueling her stress. She started using these shifts. Small changes. Big results. Her confidence grew. She felt calmer. More in control of her day. Stress thrives on harshness. Confidence blooms with compassion. ✨ Imagine how much more peaceful and empowered you’d feel if your inner voice cheered you on instead of tearing you down. What’s one kind thing you can say to yourself today? Drop it in the comments—I’d love to hear it! #StressManagement #ConfidenceBoost #PersonalGrowth #MentalHealthAwareness

“𝐼 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑎𝑑𝑑𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒!” Shared by a participant when we were wrapping up our self-compassion retreat this weekend. Having experienced several meditation retreats, I can vouch that silence can be challenging, yet enjoyable when you allow and surrender to it. Companionable silence is truly enjoyable, especially in a community. 🫂 Like what my co-facilitator Dr.Tanya Tierney quoted: “When you teach, you learn twice”. With the spaciousness of the weekend, I’ve had the chance to reflect and ponder upon participants’ sharings and questions: 1/ 𝙒𝙚’𝙫𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙣 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙤𝙤𝙙 🍜 We often get caught up in the day to day that eating or having meals become the least priority. One may eat at the desk, move from place to place while eating a sandwich, Yet we need to recognise that food is energy, fuelling both our body and our soul. Often how we experience food is how we experience life. How are you savouring what’s on your plate? 2/ 𝙍𝙚𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙨 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙖 𝙢𝙞𝙧𝙖𝙜𝙚 🪞 “𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘰 𝘸𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘴𝘦, 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦? 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘹𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴, 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯?” Mindfulness is the hardest to practise out here in urban life. But it is also one of the most important life skills to embrace as it positively influences health and wellbeing. That’s why mindfulness and self compassion continue to be skills taught in therapy and healthcare settings. I believe there is a reason that human beings are created to experience the full range of emotions and experiences. When experiences fail to align with our expectations, it causes anxiety, frustration, fear. Yet it is in these trying moments that self-compassion can be a soothing balm. Because sometimes we can’t change circumstances. And the more we build our inner resourcing skills and practise them over time - the more we experience its dose-dependent benefits. 3/ “𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤 𝙄 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙣𝙤𝙬?” THE quintessential question of self-compassion. And often the answer changes with circumstances. Self compassion is often thought of as “too soft”, “too tender”, and yet there is also the “fierce” side of it that: → Says NO → Sets boundaries → Stands up for oneself/another This question invites and gives permission for us to tune inwards, to gently listen to what our heart is truly whispering. Only if we pay close attention. 👂🏻 It was such a nourishing afternoon I had one of my best night sleeps in a while. If you’ll like to journey with like-minded folks, I’ll be facilitating the 8 Week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction onsite at Singapore Management University starting October. Will you join me? 🤗